Friday, December 10, 2010

Life Upside Down -One month In- October 3, 2010

It's been one month since my official diagnosis. As strange as it may sound the diagnosis was a relief. My life upside down now has a name.

This past month has been good and bad. I am finally feeling a little more normal. I don't know if it's because I am actually feeling better or if I have just gotten accustomed to feeling different. I lean towards just feeling better. I am still surrounded by a cloud of prayers. Some days I feel this and some days I don't. That doesn't mean that it is not there. I feel less off balance. My eyes seem to focus better,even without my glasses. Emotionally I am drier. I still feel a bit numb, not physically, emotionally.

It's weird having this invisible disease. It's still not easy to discuss it with anyone. I'm not sure if that is because it's too raw for me or if it's like a lie. It's invisible. I am still in good shape. My symptoms didn't take anything away permenately. But I know it's still there. I feel guilty about not being healed. I love that people are praying. I am doing as well as I am because God is moving on those prayers. I am so grateful for the Grace and Mercy He has extended toward me.

I am still learning about this disease. I have been reading as much as I can but, a lot of it is not applicable to me at the time. It may never be. Or it may be tomorrow. I am living a mystery. Which may become the greatest hobby of my life. Instead of questing for the challenges of treasure hunting I'll be questing for a healthier me. The whole time I'll be leaning more and more on my Lord for guidance. And though it is presumptuous to say, I identify with Paul when he says "I prayed three times for this thorn to be removed"

2 Corinthians 12:8 Concerning this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

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