It has become one of my ways to write out a few things in a couple logbooks at the end of my day. In turn I use these logbooks to help me blog here. And to possibly see a pattern, a portion of the puzzle.
One logbook helps me keep track of my dmm injections, symptoms and possible reactions. The other helps me keep track of food, water intake, exercise, and symptoms as well.
The logbooks show, since the double vision episode, I have been experiencing a handful of symptoms daily. There hasn't a day gone by that hasn't required a notation in my logbooks. Most of the time it has been the same ones over and over. What I have termed as the Status Quo, the New Norm that I now expect.
Please understand that these symptoms don't stay the whole day. They come and go. Some only make an appearance once in a day and some days more than others. It's a huge puzzle I am working on.
That is why the logbooks are important to me. They hold the information of my days and hopefully an understanding of sorts.
At times some beloved one will asks "How are you?" I simply say "fine". I don't mean "fine" as in one of the popular acronyms. I'm just fine. Not because everything is good or gone. But, because I am really doing fine under this set of conditions.
This past month I can look back and even remember a few days that have only had one or two symptoms written down. And the other day, January 18th, I went through a day like no other. A day with no noteworthy symptoms. I was jotting down some notes in my logbooks and stopped short. I looked at Gregg and remarked about the fact that I either didn't have any symptoms today or I don't remember any.
I didn't remember any! We had been out an about and I didn't remember having any dizziness, any balance issues, any weakness in my hands! I didn't remember having any symptoms! Thanks be to God!
Since that day, I have had statis quo days. I still praise God and will take whatever days He chooses to give me. I'll keep working on this puzzle. Not that I expect to ever solve it, that is quite out of my hands. Or BOC (beyound our control). I simply want to see how it progresses. I want to remember what it has been like and I look forward to seeing God's Hand on me during the course of it. And so far, it is true, I have been able to see His Hand on me.
Looking back I can see His guidence, His support, His Grace and Mercy. I'm reminded of His Faithfullness, for He is Faithful and True. That gives me Hope.
I'll continue working the Puzzle. I'll pick up a piece and look at it. If it fits with another I can put them together and see a larger picture.
So far the only pieces that are together show a pair of hands holding someone. And Really, that is all the farther I need to see. For it is my Lord's Hands and He is holding on to me. I stand in awe that I am in His Hand