Wednesday, July 15, 2015

"Why?"

"Why don't You just heal me?"
The lament escaping his mouth in a wale of anguish. It was a whirlwind moment where his anger had exploded and the aftermath slipped into regret.
It's been a really hot two weeks. Really hot. The time of year for what we call  "lock down" came early. And with a vengeance. This year has been a weaker year for me and instead of being bothered by hot temperatures I've been very bothered by hot temperatures.
Being the caregive for our son has diminished and has either placed more responsibility on him or has caused a  dropping of the ball on my part. Or both.
The reasons for the derailing really is a mystery, as always, and it really only matters in one respect. His cry.
In this case I am glad that he always turns to God for the answers to his questions of life. Even if it is in anguish and questioning. This, in my opinion, is the perfect thing to do. We don't know the answer to his questions but the God of All does. And looking to Him is at all times the proper thing to do.
I can relate to my sons question. Haven't we all cried out with a resounding "Why?". Especially during a time of illness. Or a time of sorrow that holds no human reasoning behind it. We just can't fathom the why of it. The understanding of some things just seem to escape us. Maybe they always will.
This day, after a calming down, so he can hear me. I lamely try to offer the only thing that has brought me comfort during times like these.
As mentioned before on this blog, our son is special needs. Diabetes and Aspergers Syndrome being his lot. MS being mine.
Let me tell you, this question,  "Why?" has been on my lips more than once. The reasons of these diseases in our lives and  in the lives of others totally escapes me. It escapes science. These diseases land in the only thing I can grasp. The thing I call "fallen world". We live in a "fallen world". And as a believer in God, The Father, God, The Son, and God, The Holy Spirit, and in the God inspired Scriptures one can find the reason of this "fallen world" belief in the Book of  Genesis
You call this simplistic? Fine. You hold to your beliefs and I'll hold to mine.
This day wasn't the day for me to reiterate "fallen world" to my son. He's heard this before and there was something else I wanted to tell him. Something else that brings me comfort in the "why?" moments.
This comfort comes from the New Testament. This comfort comes from the words of Paul who suffered from some ailment. Theologians still haven't really be able to nail down the "thorn" in Paul's side. And it doesn't matter to me if they ever do. Suffice it to say Paul suffered from something. It's recorded in Paul's own words. In 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 KJV
"For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9 And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee; for  my strength is perfected in weakness.  Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
Now, please, don't misunderstand me. I in no way look at myself or want my son to look at ourselves as Paul like, save in one instance. God's grace is sufficient for us. And we can find comfort in these words of Paul's. Indeed all can and should find comfort in these words.  Grab on and hold tight. Continue in prayer. Continue to cry out to the God of all compassion. The God of all strength. The God of all comfort. The God who loves us. I will. I am so grateful for the Lord who hears our cries.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

the snowman effect

When I was a youngster there was a television show that would play every Christmas season.
 "Frosty The Snowman". I think it still may on some networks.
This show was a fun cartoon. The joy of winter time fun for kids getting out into the snow. Getting out of school.  Playing in the snow. The fun and excitement of building a snowman. Imagination and magic make the snowman come to life. I don't really remember how it all plays out but I remember one point. That point being the urgency Frosty had when the weather turns warm.
Frosty tries to leave the town as fast as he can. He tries all he can to get out of the heat and on the way to the cool north so he won't melt. One of the little character children helps him onto a train to get him on his way faster. She even travels with him until they figure out the cold that is so good for him is bad for her. Their parting is sad but they separate with the understanding that it is the right thing to do.
O.k. O.k. We've probably all seen this cute little tale, Way more than once. What's this story have to do with me? Why would it be brought to anyone's attention on a blog that claims to be about MS?
Well, I call it, "the snowman effect". I live with it daily.
It's the attempt to stay cool.
It's the degree of urgency that this effect can and will produce in me every time I start to get over heated.
I don't melt into a puddle on the floor. Thankfully. But, I do melt. When I get too hot I lose things. Strength. Abilities fade. The heat cause a short out of sorts. I've written about that before. It can be scarey.
A greater urgency comes into play especially when I'm away from home. Especially if I'm the driver. I monitor myself hyper-closely. I know what not to do for the most part. And am trying to learn more each day.
This winter has been mild and it's finishing up warm. My favorite time of year is leaving in a "Big Dog Hurry". I've already had a couple of occasion of over heating. I should have had my ice vest with me. There has already been a couple of occasions when I've needed to drop everything and make a run for it. Thank the Lord for air conditioning in my car and my ever present wingman.
So, Please forgive me if I have to leave without saying good-bye or explain why. Just imagine you see Frosty hopping a freight train and know you'll see me again when it cools down. If  I  leave  my top hat behind  keep it safe for me please. When I return I'll be saying "Happy Birthday" with a big smile on my face.