I haven't posted a blog here for awhile. I have written and discarded a few things that were meant for here but never quite made it. So, as an anniversary present for myself, here's all those discarded posts.
Happy Anniversary to my MS. I wish I never knew you.
Life is - Early 2016
I am o.k.
Of course I can't say I am happy with the way I am
now but, I can say there are some things that are o.k.
I can't say that I've ever worn unsenseble shoes. Oh, of
course, my platforms of the early 70s may have landed close to
the unsenseble. However, I was 16 and well balanced. I walked
a mile and 1/2 to school and back in those days. No problem.
Converse were a thing back then too. And hiking boots. Over
the years I've worn both. Now it's just Converse. Strictly. Well,
maybe on Sundays I wear some flats with more dress appeal. But
if my Converse match the color of choice for that day they get
worn dressy or not. I have a few different colors of them. And
I think I'll probably have a few more by the time I won't need
any at all.
I can't really say I am pleased with having to use a cane.
Pre-need I was known to use a walking stick while geocaching or letterboxing.
When I was a wee
lass, I would use a dead branch from an evergreen to aid in my
woodland play. They would serve as a horse, a staff, a sword,
and a fishing pole. You know. Enter the woods. Find a stick.
Later years. Umbrellas would be put into to service as both
sun guard, rain guard, and walking stick. Then employed as a
Then entered the full use of a cane. Except at home. Where I
can use the furniture and the walls to brace myself.
Converse I have several of different colors and of different
People often agree with me. If you need a cane, one
might as well enjoy the one you need.
The easy affliction that lead to my diagnosis. My second, or
maybe it was my third flare up was double vision. That sent me
to a doctor, who sent me for an MRI, which gave me the reason
of my troubles.
This eye doctor couldn't help me with this
affliction since it was nerve damage in my brain but, he did
suggest eyeglasses. I really didn't want eyeglasses. I really
didn't need eyeglasses. Except readers. And yes, I did have
several of those in different colors.
During one of my web adventures, shortly after my eye doctor
appointment, I came across an intriguing antique pair of
pince-nez. Actually a lot of 5 pince-nez in an online auction.
I won the auction and had a couple of the mounts fitted with
my prescription. Wa. La. I am a pince-nez wearing lady. It's
been almost 6 years.
O.k. that's a good spin on my life and how I am now.
Dee - Spring 2016
A couple years ago I started to Identifying myself as Dee. Big
Dee sometimes. It was a counter swing to my depression.
probably read about Native Americans, and peoples of other
cultures, and including Hebrews, would change their names or
have them changed when a life event happened. Abram to
Abraham. Naomi to Mara. Well, MS is a life event. So I call
myself Dee now.
Tho' few have picked it up. That's o.k. I know
who I am.
Lately, I've been trying to quantify my life.
I don't suppose
it needs to be even talked about and for the most part it
isn't. Except when I need a valve to be opened, to release a
Those closest to me are the only ones that hear the hiss and
the rumbling of the rocker cap.
That would be, My husband and
our son who lives at home still. Maybe the neighbors
I don't handle my disability very well. Sometimes.
get frustrated when what I want to do is next to impossible or
can't be done at all. Even some days when the difficulty of
what was a simple task last year, last month, last week,
yesterday, or an hour ago. Sometimes an action that tasks me
beyond what I can stand may evokes a cry of dismay, a solemn
tear or an angry snap.
I try not to let my day get to this stage but sometimes life
doesn't run that way.
I have had to let a lot of stuff go.
Stuff I've loved to do. I won't go into this list. It doesn't
matter to anyone but me. And for the most part I've been o.k.
with letting them go. They were and are more a source of
frustration than a pleasure now anyway.
Apology - July 2016
Today I thought I should just write an apology. One that says:
"I'm sorry I can't do that."
or maybe one that says:
"Sorry I can't help."
It's hard to see so many needs and be positively unable to be
of any help.
I hate having to ask for help for myself.
Dee is me.
Savage - Summer 2016
I stopped being Dee so much when I was gifted a Generationally prized possession. I can look at it whenever I desire. I know exactly where it is.
Worrying and caring. August 2016
Life races headlong without me most days. And it certainly has
done just this for the last 6 years.
I can honestly say that the past six years have seemed to pass
quickly even though my quickness has diminished into something
quite opposite of quick. Anything but "quick".
I've watched life race by and have had to not tag along with
I've watched needs be fulfilled by others that weren't
much quicker than me, maybe, but much more able, for sure.
I've watched those that are quicker and more able for sure.
I've had to pare back my life as necessity has dictated.
tried not to be bitter about that. But, man, sometimes that
root crops up in the futile bed of depression.
I've tried to learn to be in prayer more and more over these 6 years.
I've tried to learn to turn my worries and my cares into
prayers. I've tried to learn to quiet my racing thoughts into
prayers. To rebuke the fears and the lies in Jesus Name and to
lay my worries and cares at His feet.
I confess. I worry. And I have cares for others that only
Jesus can fulfill. I find myself mourning that I can only pray
but then I tell myself, I realize, that praying is the best
thing I can do.
Thanks be to God! We have an Advocate with the
Father. His Name is Jesus.
There are so much Biblical Truths we can hold onto. So I try
to spend time in God's Word.
There are so many songs so many hymns that can remind us of
these Truths. So I try to listen or read the lyrics of these
I try to spend time in prayer and in quiet reflection of my
Lord's grace an mercy.
Help me Lord Jesus. To be better than what I am.